Total Recall (2012)

Total Recall directed by Len Wiseman staring Colin Ferrell, Kate Beckinsale, and Jessica Biel. 

Two hot chicks, a bigger budget than the original, a much sleeker set design, and a more polished film, but yet the original is so much better. This movie never needed to be made. I don’t care how you slice it and dice it but Colin Ferrell will never, ever, be Arnold Schwarzenegger; Kate Beckinsale will never, ever, be Sharon Stone, and Len Wiseman will never, ever, be Paul Verhoeven. I will give Wiseman this I actually thought his direction for this movie wasn’t too bad, but the screenplay was terrible. It played with too many references to the original movie, as basically it just rehashed every scene from the original movie only making them look better with the a higher amount of choreographed action.  But it brought nothing new to the story, which is something a remake needs to do. All this movie did for me was re emphasis how great the original Total Recall was. This movie was basically the sci-fi version of Gus Van Sant’s pointless shot-for-shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. There’s also just something to be said for Arnold just crushing things versus the over the top action fight scenes that are so obviously choreographed down to the last second, punch, and kick. By the time these action scenes were done I was thinking, “If Arnold had been in there, he’d just kill that man instead of dragging out these scenes for so long.” Jess and I basically just sat there the whole time saying what actions scenes we missed, what cheesy one liners we missed, and basically it was Arnold and Verhoeven we missed. They totally made the original movie what it was: a classic B-movie with over the top action, over the top violence, and over the top cheesy one liners. 

The original is still the better by a long shot.